Filed under: Alkaiser, doubts, heartache, Mazikeen, reflection, Silvermoon
This small entry is hastily scratched below the one above it, the penmanship is much shakier than usual, as if the writer was using a great deal of control and force over the quill. A few wet dots splatter here and there on the page, wrinkling the paper slightly while leaving watermarks.
I don’t know how to think, speak, or feel anymore. I should be happy for them, right? I should be happy that they both found what they’ve wanted this whole time. They’re my friends, aren’t they? I should be happy for them.
I should be happy for them.
But I’m not.
Every time I look at either of them, my stomach churns and I feel sick and nauseated. I’m not happy for them like I’m supposed to be. I’m angry and hurt. I feel like screaming, crying, exploding. I feel like I’m barely holding myself back from doing something I know I’ll regret. I feel betrayed. I hate feeling this way.
I don’t know who I can talk to… and whether or not I’ll be able to talk about it at all. I’m sick of being the mute victim.
I wish everything just went back to the way they were originally.
Loving someone never hurt so much.The heartache’s almost unbearable. I feel used. I feel cheated. I can’t easily forgive him…
…and yet I still love him nonetheless.
Should anyone realize this, they’re bound to laugh and hate me. I don’t learn my lessons well enough.
The style of writing in this entry seems almost completely different from the handwriting seen on the other pages, the words are no longer loopy and round – no longer ‘happy’ – but instead are sharp and narrow. The three words seem to have been written shakily, as if the writer had to use a lot of control to continue writing despite unabashed crying. The page is crinkled, almost soaked by the tears.
Ras’Ar has been slain.
An amorous atmosphere has swept both the Horde and the Alliance, it seems. A small errand has led many in the Silverguard to come across very beautiful gowns. Some of us girls came up with the idea to have a small ball to celebrate the occasion, and said party happened tonight.
Poor Zaliron. Poor Mazikeen. The party wasn’t as nice for some of us as most had hoped.
Many of the words are blurred by tears dotting all over the page.
Ras’Ar’s left the Guard. He told me everything. His history with some pirates have caught up with him, it seems. The rest of the Silverguard no longer trust him despite the fact that not everything is his fault. I don’t know what to do…
