I’ve been charged by the Order with researching information about the Blue Dragonflight. Angry dragons who seem to now want to kill anything who even have traces of arcane magic. Fun times.
Kar’lei now leads the Syndicate of Secrets. Nothing suprising, really. Though I’m sure everyone expected Alkaiser to lead. But seeing as how he didn’t wish to lead after the Silverguard and the Shattered Phoenix both fell, it was inevitable that the position of leadership would change hands. Though, I could’ve been wrong. Like I had been about a lot of things. Like
Ras’ar and IAlkaiser and ICephyr and Imy lifeevery single fucking thing I seem to have encountered in my entire life.I’ve been quick to anger lately and I hate it. I hate feeling disgusted when I talk to certain people. I hate the fact my mouth keeps slipping and blurts out all the sharp and nasty words that I don’t want people to hear. I hate myself for bottling myself to the point where all this stuff is happening.
Maybe it all has to do with my mana crystals or something. Maybe my enchanting materials have come into contact with them and have been tainting the crystals or something.
Or maybe I am just fed up with every damn thing. I think I’ve lost the ability to feel disappointed. Either that or disgust has been showing up where ‘disappointment’ is supposed to be.
Fuck it all.
A small drawing appears here and under it, a small block of text is scrawled. It has little to do with the picture, however.
“What’s on your mind?” I wish people would stop asking me that. Every time I hear that goddamn question, my mouth is almost too quick for me to catch and seal up nice and tight.
I’m worried that I’m wrong about everything I once believed in. I’m worried that I’m obsolete and will be replaced. I’m worried that all my romantic relationships in the past are a(n) precursor/omen as to how the rest of my life will be. I’m worried that I’ll end up killing myself soon.
I’m worried my emotions’ll make me explode like an engineering machine. Haha. The irony.
A few days ago, several of us took a trip to Winterspring so we could all talk to Verrin regarding some individual matters when it came to our roles within the Syndicate of Secrets.
I had little to discuss with Verrin, really, since he wouldn’t talk about what was on his mind – namely why he asked me to speak with him a week or so ago. I’m guessing it has something to do with Mazikeen and their break-up. I don’t really know what I should say to him when the topic comes up, I honestly don’t. I’m not the best when it comes to relationships; that fact should be obvious by now.
What we did discuss, however, was the ‘buddy system’ that Verrin had imposed on the guild while I was, erm, ‘indisposed’. This system, he said, was made so that we can understand each others’ strengths and weaknesses when it comes to combat as well as get to know each other on an individual level. It’s a nice idea, but at the same time I don’t see it as very necessary. I don’t like imposing on other people when they don’t feel like opening up.
I was originally paired with Vistor, a warlock. I barely know him though I did attend his and Alinor’s wedding a few months back. I wouldn’t mind getting to know him, but just being near Fel magic just makes me ill. I suppose Miss Tamrin realized this, as she spoke up to Verrin on my behalf. She told him that it wouldn’t be in my best interest to be in the vicinity of such strong Fel magic, especially when I was still recovering.
Verrin seemed to understand, and decided to pair me with another ‘buddy’. I am now paired with a Druid named Basi, a former pirate. “You can talk about gardening and healing magics,” he said (well, something to that effect, at least). I’m stupefied. I’m willing to give it a try, but this new set up seems much more ridiculous, to be honest.
