I had a really nice night with Valrek.
I guess I’ll have to thank Nathan…
Loving someone never hurt so much.The heartache’s almost unbearable. I feel used. I feel cheated. I can’t easily forgive him…
…and yet I still love him nonetheless.
Should anyone realize this, they’re bound to laugh and hate me. I don’t learn my lessons well enough.
The others carry themselves and treat me as if nothing’s happened… I don’t know how to feel. I can’t quite accuse them of not caring about his death; it wouldn’t be fair, and I don’t think that my own feelings would allow it. It’s too hurtful. I don’t think half of them know what happened anyhow…
Before he died, Ras’Ar asked me to marry him… I should’ve said yes. I should’ve gone with him, even if he didn’t want me to. I shouldn’t have left him to deal with his past on his own… But it’s too late to regret my own inactions. I only wish I could’ve done something to stop all this. What good is the power to heal if I can’t even save the people I love and care about?! I can’t help but feel like I’m not fit to be here. I’m not fit to call myself a ‘healer’. I’m beginning to question my own usefulness in the Guard.
I don’t know if it’s fear of losing it or people misunderstanding, but I’ve chosen to wear the ring Ras’Ar gave me on the same chain as the necklace he gave me a while ago. It’s kind of hard to fight back my tears when I think back to what’s hanging around my neck; I can’t let go of these memories. The guilt’s almost overwhelming.
The shadows seem to creep nearer and nearer with each passing day. This evil haze feels the same as when I was under the manipulation of Master Xydin. Though I’ve left the darkness and refuse to look it, my denial does not banish it away. I don’t want the shadows to take over again; I don’t want experience such terror and sadness again.
The style of writing in this entry seems almost completely different from the handwriting seen on the other pages, the words are no longer loopy and round – no longer ‘happy’ – but instead are sharp and narrow. The three words seem to have been written shakily, as if the writer had to use a lot of control to continue writing despite unabashed crying. The page is crinkled, almost soaked by the tears.
Ras’Ar has been slain.
Many of the words are blurred by tears dotting all over the page.
Ras’Ar’s left the Guard. He told me everything. His history with some pirates have caught up with him, it seems. The rest of the Silverguard no longer trust him despite the fact that not everything is his fault. I don’t know what to do…
Ras’Ar and I’ve been growing closer lately, and I’m not quite sure what I should make of it… I don’t dislike his company, but it’s just… I don’t know.
Today’s meeting was rather… eventful. It was apparently a promotion ceremony. In the Arcane house, Kiros and I were promoted. I don’t know if I should be happy or not. I sure don’t feel strong enough to uphold the title, but I guess I’ll have to see now, won’t I? Not soon after I was given the new title, a human Paladin decided to crash the ‘fun’. Jadael was severely injured, but his wounds seem as if they’ll heal quickly.
I have the strangest feeling something odd’s going on and I’m not sure I like this feeling.
The page seems to have a rather large entry at the top, stretching down to the bottom. The text, however, is completely unreadable due to the enormous amounts of scratch-outs through the body of the text. Few words can be made out from the obscured entry: Ras’Ar, bar, orc, drinking contest.
Ras’Ar Dawnstrider = JERK! JERKJERKJERK!
…but I guess I am glad he got some of his vision back. I’ll ask the elders on other methods to repair the vision in his other eye when I can. I’ve tried almost everything – nothing works!
